No More Sleepwalking

As I sat in the back seat of my car stricken with panic, I grasped for anything reasonable to say to convince the three who were in my car it was not worth stealing.  I heard the words coming out of my mouth as I negotiated reasons why they should leave the car and just go.  My heart was beating rapidly as I heard the grandmother in the back seat next to me say to her two thug granddaughters, "Maybe you should leave it". As she said it, I looked at her in surprise and then I rolled over and opened my eyes.  I had been asleep but the dream seemed so vivid at the time.  My arm had fallen asleep as well.  I clinched my hand in a fist and flexed it not wanting to wake myself up too much.  It was my only day to sleep in before I headed back to a six day work week.  I didn't want a silly dream to ruin it.  However, my arm had a different plan.  I began shaking my arm as I stretched it out in front of me. I finally sat up, realizing I was past the point of no return.  I was awake.

I reflected upon the dream just knowing it meant something important as I sat on the side of my bed trying to fully wake up.  Coffee was the only other thing on my mind.  I went to the kitchen and started the process of pouring my drug of choice into the coffee maker.  Ahh, the sweet incense rising from the bag of coffee touched every sense of my being. As the morning went on, the joys of my only day off tried to escape me as thoughts entered my mind about the upcoming work week.  I tried to not think about it and the stresses that always accompany my job and my life. I didn't want my only day off robbed from me so I started to focus on things that would always be important to me.  My son woke up and slowly climbed down the stairs leading to his loft bedroom and I stood face to face with the most precious thing in my life.  We hugged and my day was perfect once again.  

As the morning progressed into the afternoon, a trip to the store became essential.  As we drove to the store together, my son took my hand and said, "Don't worry about anything today, Mom".  He knows me so well.  As we waste our lives away contemplating how to make the next dollar, where to get the money to pay the next bill, how to find a job or a second job on top of the current job, we lose sight of the most important things in our lives.  I often wonder what would happen if I could give up all that I am doing now in lieu of satisfying my life-long dream of becoming a published writer.  Would all of that time and money sewn into a college education finally pay off?  To spend my time sitting on the back porch writing while at the base of the mountains I love while my family is close-by is only part of that dream to become a published author.  "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."  John Lennon's words echo in my mind as an inspiration to make a dream a reality. 

So, as we drove to our destination that sense of urgency to grab my laptop and head to a coffee shop to write replaced that morning dream and the afternoon worries.  Sitting in the coffee shop, there is a feeling of renewal.  A new charge to keep.  It is time to recapture what has been lost to society.  It is time to recapture me.  I wonder if that was the meaning of the dream; three individuals trying to take what was mine but as I spoke up and fought for that, I was able to convince them why that was a poor choice.  I've allowed others to steal my sense of purpose and self.  Now it is time to fight for what was once lost and bring it back again.  No more anguish.  No more sorrow.  The prodigal has returned and life has been restored to the once lost and wandering.  No more sleep walking.  Time for an awakening.